What has the Lord been teaching you lately?
When attending a program centered on discipleship, you get asked this question all the time. And the answer ranges:
Something new every day
He’s expanding upon “__________” that’s he’s already been teaching me
There’s so much it would take me an hour or two to tell you it all
OH MY GOSH HE’S SO GOOD AND HE’S JUST THE BEST
I could go on… but I won’t.
We are all constantly learning something new from the Lord. He knows it all, and he’s always teaching us something we haven’t gotten to yet: a new facet of who He is, a new revelation from the Word, a new epiphany about ourselves and how we’re made… He wants to teach us if we are willing.
Lately, the Lord has been teaching me a lot of new things about something I’ve dealt with for most of my life: rejection.
The word itself makes me cringe. It is my biggest fear and, when it happens, I get hurt. Really hurt. I’ve known this for some time and it’s been really hard to be self-aware of it, but not really knowing what to do with it. I’ve prayed about it countless times, cried out asking what I needed to let go of, fell on my knees for healing… The list goes on. But, all in His timing.
About 3 weeks ago, I was feeling pretty crappy. I felt unheard, unwanted, and just plain pushed away and rejected. And the lies were filling my head. In the past, I would have just kept all of this in and slowly fallen into a depression of sorts. But, because I’ve learned that people do want to hear how I am and can help me, I talked/complained to a couple of close friends and mentors and they encouraged me to talk with those people I felt rejected by… Who’d a thunk it was that easy?
So I did. And it was wonderful. I talked with a close friend who I was worried about talking to… and it was the best conversation! He was able to speak truth over me, remind me that what I was feeling and what actually happened were two different things, and that nothing that had happened to me or was said to me dictated who I am. Boy, did I need to hear that. And you might too, so let me say it again:
Nothing anyone does to you or says to you dictates who you are or what you are worth.
NOTHING.
And this conversation sparked the next two weeks of seeking out what I have given over to people to determine about me, taking it back, and giving it to the Lord. And He showed up in amazing ways:
I got to help lead worship at a training camp for a World Race Gap Year squad! I had such a wonderful opportunity to help create an atmosphere for those racers to seek the Lord and find Him. It was something I will treasure for many years to come as I step out more in worship.
I went through a few sessions of Inner Healing in which the Lord came through more than I could have imagined. Inner Healing is basically a guided time with the Lord in which someone helps you to sit with the Lord and address things that you need to let go of and bring to Him. The guide asks questions and brings you to a safe place where you can go through tough memories that have wounded you and release forgiveness, repent for you part, give it it to the Lord, and receive His truth in return. There were some major things in my life relating to rejection that I did not want to take responsibility for my part in, I wanted to just blame those who hurt me. But the Lord calls us not to judge and so we must repent for our judgement and release love and forgiveness to heal from those wounds.
And I finally did. I forgave people for things I didn’t know I held onto. I let go of some things I didn’t realize I held onto so tightly.
The Lord showed me my childhood as coffee beans. He threw them in a grinder, and made a delicious cup of steaming coffee. And as I reached for the coffee, He said I must first throw away the used grinds. Get rid of the stuff you don’t need to keep. Get rid of the bad stuff that has held you back, throw it away! And so I did.
And then I grabbed the hot cup of delicious and took a sip of goodness. And He looked at me saying, “See? There’s so much good that comes out of the bad. You need to keep the good stuff, and forget and let go of the used, bad stuff.”
I feel so much lighter. I let it go, I gave it to the Lord, and He healed me.
I’m still $1950 away from being fully funded!! Please consider donating $5, $25, $100 to help me become fully funded!!
